Everything is necessary.
Even heartbreak, death, and pain.

I told him I get moody
"It's just a warning," I said.
"I will make you happy," he said.
Easier said than done I thought.

I had that same feeling
when we would lie in your bed
the wet cold of the San Francisco fog
seeping through the windows
into your bedroom
where we lay in the dark
watching the gray air linger outside
happy warm and content.
And in love.

It was last night that this feeling
struck me
the same wet cold rolling from the Newport shores
into my own room as I lay in bed
except it was someone else next to me
someone else falling in love
watching the muscles in my face
and I couldn't look at him
every time I tried I felt like crying
because it reminded me of you
and how real and true and raw we were
he told me my eyes looked sad
I forced a smile, said I was tired
You probably remember that line
I told him I wish I was 19 again
That I wished I could take a month long vacation
and go back for a little while
he asked why
I said I wanted the mindset of that age
how everything was new and you jumped into things without hesitation

God, I miss you so much sometimes I close my eyes and try to escape into what was.
But I can't, because it isn't real and I should be old enough to know that.