There's something in the air tonight.
It shifts and shivers in the light.
There's something creeping up my bones.
It makes me feel so oh alone.

Everybody tells me to let go of my baby.
Everybody says
Turn Around
Turn Around

Everybody tells me to let go of my baby.
But its so hard
I've already hit the ground.

So I tell myself I'm fine.
Its the matter over mind.
I can click back and just rewind.
There is nothing to define...here.

There's something creeping up my bones.
It makes me feel so oh alone.
There's something in the air tonight.
It flies away just like a kite.

You're something funny.
You're something heart-
bre--
aking
And in the moonlight, when you ask
You're something life-threaten--ing
And I could take you, if I wanted to
But in the moonlight you're so pretty that its
Wrenching to.
We're sitting pretty,
We're sipping coffee,
Something delirious, experience the moment through.
If you forget it, then I'll forget me.
And we can speed our cars through cities,
If you'd like to.

I've gotten into the habit of smoking and taking walks around the apartment complex. Today I watched the lights of Irvine from far away, they were beautiful, almost ethereal. Funny, how even this sterile city can conjure up life in the most particular of moments. I like the taste of tobacco on my breath. Although, I worry that the people around me might mind the odor. So, I wear a wool jacket to hopefully ward off the lingering smell. Also, its handy because its still chilly here on summer nights.

I think life happens when you least expect.
At least, that's what I'm thinking now.
Although, I can't make charts and graphs out
To explain it, no vivid lines and big font numbers.
No, I'm taking it day by day.
Accepting the fact that I'll never be sure of anything.
Only myself, and with that
I'm satisfied.

I can't sleep because I feel like the world is hounding down on my shoulders.

I am currently working on the next GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL/Chick Flick on Meth. We'll see how this goes.

I couldn't find me if I wanted to, I'm in the middle of nowhere and happily breathing in the ambiguous.

I walked away from him sleeping on the couch. And the rest of us moved to the cold sand, the summer night blew through our thin clothes and tingled our skin. We stood on the shore and dared one another to plunge into the ocean. The boy with the funny jokes and green sweater bluffed; I said I would go nude if he'd go nude. I played with my spaghetti straps and bluffed until he took his shirt off and we all laughed. Then, as he laughed along and shook his head, I stripped to my underwear and laughed. Said, "did you really think I'd go naked for you guys?" and ha-ha-ha'd all the way into the water, feeling the ice cold ocean pour over me up to my bare shoulders. Green shirt ran after me and lifted me up, daring to throw me all the way in. I screamed and playfully kicked into the air until he said give him a reason why he shouldn't. I said because I'd be his best friend forever. He smiled and finally put me down. He said I had convinced him. When we joined Jen and his friend on the beach, his friend said, "No, lie that was pretty hot" and I nodded, "Why, Thank You." Later, I reminded green shirt of our "best friend" agreement and he smiled and said he was glad I could keep a promise.

I just got back from Vegas. Had a wonderful time getting to know the girls better over drinks and smart remarks.

I met with B, the underwear model, and could see myself falling for him easily. Which, is why I am stepping away of course.

At 4 in the morning M told me that he really had to tell me something. So, in a black dress smelling of cigarettes and my breath reeking of champagne and cranberry vodka, I went downstairs to meet him in the field of slot machines. Truthfully, I don't remember much, as I was very drunk. Although he brought up the possibility of us trying to work out some sort of relationship and I remember getting into a conversation that went something like this:

Me: Anyway, you wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me. I'm crazy and moody.
M: No, I would.
Me: No, you wouldn't
M: (vigorously nodding) Yah, I really would.
Me: No, you wouldn't.
M: Yah, I would.
Me: No, you wouldn't.
M: Yah, I would.
Me:No, you--
M: Okay, this is going nowhere.

Moral of the story: Don't argue with a drunk girl, I just became more stubborn than I usually am. I also remember watching him while he talked and thinking that it was very unfortunate that I couldn't lean over and kiss him. As, that would only lead him on and wouldn't be the "right" thing to do. Then, I remember his face getting really sad and upset and taking that as my cue to leave. God, the goodbye was awful. I just said, "well, okay I should get going" and patted his shoulder and walked away. I felt a bit miserable after for being so heartless.

If only it were as easy as saying: I'll be good to you, you'll be good to me.

I am floating in a sea of necessities
My hands lift, My feet move, My eyes BLINK
and then, I find my lips twitching, failing, faltering
or maybe, I am decidedly moving forward towards something
I can understand
maybe, I am trying to find
What is necessary in a sea of necessities?