How has my life become so hectic lately? Let's see schedule for tomorrow: Write a New U article, read a French play, Meet w/ study group for Midterm tomorrow (that I have no clue about), squeeze 3 miles in here somewhere, arrange meetings for Jet-Lagged this week, Photoshoot til 7 to 10pm, follow up on Jet-Lagged writers, Review notes for midterm, sleep.

Lately I've been so apathetic to everything. The magazine, which I love and am putting my whole heart into, is the only part in my life that I can breath passion. I hardly go out anymore and I'm constantly working on news assignments. I've been so apathetic to the opposite sex lately its disconcerting. I have no urge to flirt or chat whimsically, I refuse dates even if I can see myself liking them, I don't answer texts. I simply have no genuine interest.

I think too, I've just seen how easily bullshit can get to people. And I don't want that in my life right now, so I'm steering clear. I feel like a robot with a post-it note personality.

Its as if I'm waiting for somebody to snap me out of it. When really I'm doing it to myself.

Reality is a difficult thing to set in stone. It is at once fluid and ambiguous. Liberating and Fearful. I wrote this poem while attempting sleep.

I miss the water by my window;
The feeling between my skin.
I miss everything about Childhood.
I miss the start where we begin.

He broke my heart
and
I broke his.
I miss the start where we begin.

I think I'm falling in love with life again
You couldn't change me back for anything
Its always the start of the beginning

Life is changing so quickly.
My heart is running to keep up.

You cannot use force among a moving people
A revolution is set in the mind
Instilled deeper than the bones
Written beyond the temporary pages of flesh.

You cannot pin down a memory
It will grow until it engulfs the sky
Rain until it floods civilizations

You cannot stop a true revolution,
A movement, A people.

A few weeks ago I found myself unwillingly in the midst of a love triangle. I told him goodbye and good luck.

Then the ex texted me hurtful things while I was making my way past the Vegas lights. The words stung and I realized I didn't know that person anymore.

Vegas, was a beautiful adventure by the way. We danced til four in the morning and breathed the thrill of the city for four days straight. I met someone who made me think I could fall in love someday. I'm not saying he's the one, I'm done with setting up expectations and jumping ahead of my silly self. But it makes me smile, to just know the possibility.