I'm caught in the in between. I miss him so much sometimes, how I was more myself with him then anyone, how we laughed, his smile, how we would fall into our own happy party for only two. Then, something changed.

People tell me I'm happier now. Other people tell me I'm more mature, more serious, less fun and free.

I suppose at the moment I'm the girl who can get any guy she wants. I'm sexy, smart, and impenetrable. At least, that's what they see. But as much as I want to, I can't feel anything for them. Like someone has wrapped me in cellophane, the only thing I can feel is the plastic stretched across my fingertips.

Someone asked me if I was afraid of getting hurt. I said yes, but I lied. I'm terrified. I'm terrified. I'm terrified. How can I make it work with anyone, if I couldn't make it work with you? Someone I loved so fiercely and who loved me the same, if not more. Lately I think about the row boat, kissing underground, laughing in bed until the morning peaked through your blinds. I wonder if you even think about me, or if you've just moved on. Sometimes I wonder if either of us really will. When you do, if you do, I think my heart will break all over again.