Last night I was on Sunset, at a charity event modeling a gown for a small boutique. It was one of those things were the rich and big names of Hollywood come out to schmooze, drink champagne, and slip each other business cards.

The night was warm and I walked around with A, the other model, smiling and nodding and giggling over the rims of our glasses. There were directors, producers, actors, etc. pouring compliments like wine; A whispered in my ear and held my arm as we walked from conversation to conversation.

I like the Hollywood crowd, the intensity and adrenaline coursing through every syllable spoken. Everyone watching each other cautiously, calculating every tilt of the head and twitch of the lips.

An actor, who plays the villain in many movies, asked me out to the shooting range. His deep voice filled the room as we talked over the phone.

At this point, I still miss you, still in love with you, is that pathetic to say? Here I am doing everything I've always wanted. I run a magazine, I work at a fabulous internship, I have men falling in love with me, I go to parties and laugh over champagne, I model in clothes more expensive then my fucking rent. And here I am, thinking about you every moment that I'm not thinking about everything else.

Someone told me that I should just stop caring about you and all the bullshit. That hey, maybe I should try dating him or something. I wish I could, I really fucking wish I could.

He said that after I nearly burst into tears after running into you at the pub, when I said hi and tried making small talk. You just looked at me with complete disgust and bitterness edged along your voice. I got the point, you wanted me to walk the fuck out of there, in the other direction, away from you. It didn't help that there was a girl with you, looking at us back and forth.

After this, you've won. You get your wish, I'm letting go; I'll let myself get lost in this new world I've created for myself. Ciao, bye.